What I want for Christmas? My best friend back.

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Tuesday December 24, 2013 · 1:07 PM PST

2013/12/24 · 13:07

Dear Santa,

It's been a long time since I've written to you. Not since second grade, I think, when I asked for that Star Wars Star Destroyer play set. I was mad at you for a long time for not coming through on that one, but now I need you for something much more important.

My best friend, who I'll just call M, is in a psychiatric hospital. And I'm afraid he is not coming back.

Jon Stafford

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Thursday May 17, 2012 · 6:51 PM PDT

2012/05/17 · 18:51

Everyone knows that Republicans are conservative and Democrats are liberal, right? Sure, you say, that's the way it's always been. To which I respond: then prepare to have your mind blown.

The current political geography, with Republicans on the right and Democrats on the left of the great American political fault, was not ever as it is now. And as with plate tectonics, there are sometimes sudden and unpredictable shifts.

(Dear Diary: Well, I finally did it. I finally worked a plate tectonics analogy into a piece of writing. It's funny, but all I can think now is where do I go from here? Also, don't forget to buy toilet paper.)

Cross-posted on Wordpress.

Jon Stafford

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Saturday March 10, 2012 · 5:48 PM PST

2012/03/10 · 17:48

On Saturday, November 20, 2010, I posted this diary, in which I opined, in admittedly bold terms, that the Chevy Volt would be a failure. It looks like I was right.

Jon Stafford

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Thursday February 23, 2012 · 6:52 PM PST

2012/02/23 · 18:52

This is nothing less than The Most Important Issue Facing Our Country. Not the war in Afghanistan, or the still-sluggish economy, or the rise of China, or the unrest in the Middle East, or any of literally a hundred other issues we face. No. The #1 problem facing this country is women having sex.

Jon Stafford

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Thursday February 16, 2012 · 4:32 PM PST

2012/02/16 · 16:32

Today the Republicans in Congress held a birth control hearing. Outside the committee room they apparently hung a sign that said "NO GIRLS" (with the R charmingly backwards, of course; they're so cute at that age), because no person capable of actually giving birth seemed to be in attendance. I wonder how the old boys network would like it if Nancy Pelosi, Barbara Boxer, Dianne Feinstein, Maria Cantwell, Nikki Tsongas, Debbie Wasserman-Schultz, and -- what the hell? -- Michele Bachmann all got together to have a hearing on whether insurance companies should have to pay for Viagra? I bet they'd need some.

Jon Stafford

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Thursday February 09, 2012 · 3:12 PM PST

2012/02/09 · 15:12

Once again, the Republicans have found something to get all indignant over from the Obama White House. Quelle surprise. Their manufactured outrage at the requirement that religious employers obey the same laws as any other employer has been fun to watch. The Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences really ought to have a category for political speech, because some of Boehner's performances have been breathtaking. I'd say the same thing about Rick Santorum, except in his case I think he actually believes the things he says. He's that deluded. Regardless, anger over the proposed rule almost certainly was what drove the former Pennsylvania senator over the top in last Tuesday's events in Missouri, Minnesota, and Colorado.

Jon Stafford

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Thursday January 26, 2012 · 8:08 PM PST

2012/01/26 · 20:08

In what has now become a phenomenon that has taken as many as three people by storm, I give you my Twitter feed of tonight's Republican debate. These tweets are rated R for language and adult content.

Jon Stafford

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Wednesday January 25, 2012 · 5:10 PM PST

2012/01/25 · 17:10

I'd call it stream of consciousness, but that would imply consciousness on my part, and to tell you the truth, the jury's still out.

Live from my Twitter feed...

Jon Stafford

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Sunday January 22, 2012 · 6:02 PM PST

2012/01/22 · 18:02

For some reason I got this in my email. The return address was a dead link. Weird.

Dear Voters of 2012,

I am writing this letter in the year 2032, nearly twenty years into President Gingrich's reign, with no end in sight. The Glorious Leader's cybernetic implants can keep his body running for decades, his scientists say. He's certainly had no trouble satisfying the current First Lady, Kaylee Gingrich, who, now that I think of it, was just getting out of diapers in the time I am speaking to you.

Jon Stafford

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Thursday January 19, 2012 · 8:09 PM PST

2012/01/19 · 20:09

It's interesting how different people see different things. I thought tonight was a net win for Mitt Romney. I thought he did what he needed to do: He came out swinging against Newt Gingrich ("You were only mentioned once" in Ronald Reagan's diary), and generally looked strong. His weakest point was definitely the taxes question, but even there he recovered with the "I'm not going to apologize for being successful" line, which got a big applause.

On the other hand, I thought Gingrich seemed off. Maybe a little too much of his anger at that first question, about his ex-wife's allegations, was real. I dunno. I also felt like he was on the defensive more, especially against Rick Santorum, who really came on strong. I think he took some votes away from Gingrich tonight, and I think that, coupled with the "open marriage" thing being all over the news cycle tomorrow, is going to help Romney.

But the general consensus seems to be that Gingrich won and that Romney didn't fare so well. I guess I'll have to concede this to the people who know South Carolina best. But I still wouldn't be surprised to see Newt and Santorum split the Teavangelical vote and Romney eke out a win. In a way that would kind of disappoint me, though. I would kind of like to see Gingrich win in the Palmetto State just to keep it going. The more they tear each other apart, the better.

Anyway, on to the silliness! Below the fold are my real-time Twitter comments from the debate...

Jon Stafford

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Tuesday January 17, 2012 · 3:12 PM PST

2012/01/17 · 15:12

Another Republican debate, another series of barely coherent observations conveyed via the Twitter. If you're looking for coherent, incisive commentary on the state of the GOP field, well then you're out of luck.

Jon Stafford

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Monday January 16, 2012 · 3:16 PM PST

2012/01/16 · 15:16

Earlier today, former Utah Governor Jon Huntsman dropped out of the Republican nomination race. I like to think this is a sign from the universe that if there is going to be a Jon-with-no-h president, it should be me. More likely it's because Huntsman had no money, no momentum, and virtually no support. Even Mormons have turned their back on him: They support Romney over Huntsman by something like three to one.

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